At the age of ten, I had my first crush. I fell hard for Gertrude Strauss, a dirty-blonde beauty my age. The love I felt for her, alas, was not reciprocated. My second crush was on my fourth-grade teacher, Miss Sager. But she passed away before my fifth grade. Thus began a long string of lost loves for me. In high school, I thought I had finally found true love. At seventeen, I was madly
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