When getting smutty in the literature the Victorians had the right idea in keeping core principles simple; no need to conjure a headache, just put down a pink slit and move on to the gent, a quick prick penning working as good as any; scribble in the bushy thatches and then get those petticoats out of the way for grapples lusty and the dance of the lance, and someone's bottom better be
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