"Oh, woe and thrice woe! Sound the alarm! Hairyballicus is coming," was the cry, "he's defeated our great generals Lickius Mylius Ballus and Gaycoccius Testicio Varrucus at Cannula by foul means and massacred our brave legionaries, and his uncivilised army of hairy arse bandits and malodorous cuntlickers will be at the city gates within the day. Lock up your wives and daughters, barricade
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